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Finally some answers

I started off 2017 slowly replacing some bad food choices with better food choices so overall I am eating healthier (now it's April).  I allow myself special occasion meals and don't even concern myself with how bad it is.   I just actually enjoy those meals.  I don't gorge myself.  I am eating much smaller portions when I do eat which is helping me so much.  The payoff when someone says Oh wow have you lost some weight, why yes yes I have and more inches than I ever imagined.  I have ways to go to a much healthier weight that is right for me.

 While I have been eating healthy, I started to get sick.  My anemia was back and was making me so tired it was all I could do not to take a nap in the afternoon.  I recently went to the Dr. and found my stomach is full of bleeding ulcers and I have a mass that is about 2 cm in size, next step is to have a colonoscopy and an EUS which has to be done at the hospital where I will be completely under.  During the EUS they will take more biopsies and determine if the said mass has spread or if it is just there in my stomach.

I had the Colonoscopy, and overall that was just fine.  Nothing major.  I also had barium test done, and although not horrible it leaves me a little concerned.  I have overlapping bowel which is what took my grandfather's life.


They believe they found a tumor referred to as a GIST in my stomach that started off as a uterine fibroid that grew into my stomach.  So biopsies have been taken and sent to Mayo we are just waiting for those results.  Could it be possible I can have this thing removed, and it will end the blood loss that has caused me to be anemic all these years?  What a feeling this is for me.  The tumor is hopefully benign and can be removed laparoscopically.  Still waiting for the final results.  I feel a sense of relief knowing.


Results another EUS in six months.  No cancer cells at this time.  I am still anemic.  SO much for answers LOL.

Cystic Acne

I recently have developed cystic acne.  I would not wish for anyone to endure this.  It's horribly painful. 

I have tried every OTC product you can think of and very expensive products too.  I have been to the dermatologist so I had some cream left over from a past visit and that was not the answer either.  Regular acne and cystic acne can not be treated the same. 

Nothing was working,  my face was getting worse.  I did some digging and I came across a blog where the lady tried oil scrubbing with grapeseed oil and it did calm down the redness and the pain, but as you can imagine I had even more come to surface.  I am not saying it doesn't work.  I read it will get worse before it gets better.  But I wanted it better now!!

So I wanted to share what I found that actually has worked for ME.

 Sulfur soap. It contains 5% sulfur.  Mind you this is very drying you will peel and your skin will turn red.  My suggestion is to only use it on the affected area.  The cost is minimal $2.67 at Wal-mart. 

The second product is called Liquidmat acne lotion. The cost is $21.82 for 1.5 fluid ounces at Wal-mart online. This covers up while you are healing it also has sulfur in it 4% to be exact.  This is nice it can be worn under your regular foundation.  It comes with color matcher and with that, you technically could wear it all over but once again I suggest just the affected areas. 

Within a week of using this soap 2x a day and the coverup, my skin looks 100X better then it did a few weeks ago. My face is peeling and I do not even care.  I am no longer in pain. 

I am tired

When you have someone in your life that spends years pushing you away and not acting as if they want you around you start to withdraw from the relationship.  It's normal to pull back from someone who has convinced you by their actions you are not wanted.  I have spent years fighting for certain relationships to remain in my life but the older I get the more I realize I am the only one fighting and I am exactly where they put me.  As a priority to them, I am last.  I am no longer going to remind myself or punish myself by hanging with anyone that doesn't want us around.  Remember YOU pushed me away not the other way around.

It took me years but I accepted it and now that I have come terms with the situation now I am being asked what is wrong?  Well, not a damn thing.  Why would anyone care about how I feel now?  I am in a much better place I stopped crying, stopped fighting and if you want me in your life after pushing me away for so long you have to prove it.  I have nothing to prove, nothing to apologize for and certainly not beating myself up anymore or punishing myself.  I always invited and was turned down over and over.  For years I kept trying but the minute I get to a good place now you want to know why we don't hang out.  I am not asking for any apology it's just too late for that!  Actions speak louder than words.  This happened over years & this will take time and you have to let me have time.  Baby steps, please!

Bite the tongue

No one can hurt you if you remind yourself they don't have permission to do so.  Set limitations (healthy boundaries) to those that hurt you, your family and your friends.  Often people's behavior is driven by their own fears, worries, and hurts - and has nothing to do with us.  Not that is an excuse to hurt others but keep in mind there may be more to it than this person just not caring about you.  Never blame yourself for others behaviors.  Love yourself enough to speak up and let the wrong doer know what they are doing and how it effects you.  They often are fully aware they do it and it's not your job to fix them either.

Sometimes those boundaries you have to set are putting distance between you and the person because no matter how many times you have mentioned repeat behaviors they just aren't willing to consider your feelings and they continue to show you and others zero respect.  It's okay to put time and space between someone who isn't getting it.  Eventually others will see the behaviors too and you will surround yourself with people that do get it.  Sometimes to be strong we have to BITE the tongue and keep on living life & surrounding ourselves with as much Positivity as we can.  Not everyone has that in them and those people might not belong in your life and that's OK you don't owe anyone anything.  You do owe it to yourself to be happy so bite that tongue and don't eat your words!

                                                 

Festivals

We go to music/camping festivals every year and the vibe is nothing like anything I have ever felt in my life.

 The peaceful feeling that comes over you as you find the perfect spot for your tent which is your home for the weekend.  Not to mention all the wonderful & beautiful people that SHINE it is unimaginable to those that have never experienced one. 

When people from all walks of life come together for a very magical weekend and can I say the most amazing music ever.  It's really hard to put into words but it's a much kinder place on earth.  Making the day you leave the saddest day ever because you know you have to return to the real world we live in.....  Which isn't open minded and kind; like a festival weekend!

 If ever given the chance you should go find one close to home for your first run and be prepared to be wowed!!!

 

Keeping up with the Jones or one uppers.....

Whatever you call it it's annoying.  I wasn't telling you I got a new____ so you could one up me. I am not in competition.  I mean who am I to judge you racking up tons of debt for yourself.  I actually have a different set of financial goals. 

We all know one or have met one of these people.  Even strangers will tell you how their car is newer than yours.  Ok and now what?  I have no idea what I should say when this happens.  I literally draw a blank and end up saying nothing at all.  Now we have that weird moment of silence.  I always think does the one upper feel the awkward silence do they know it's because of them or maybe it's really me?  Anywhoo

It leads to children who never learn the how to set goals, budget, or how to spend money wisely and not basing their self-esteem on stuff.  Stuff becomes so important that buying to impress is what is important.

I live the opposite I am excited to tell you how I scored something for next to nothing that is my "High".